Dream Count

Zikora remembers the start of her and Kwame’s relationship. They met at a cookbook launch and hit it off when they started joking about self-described connoisseurs who overuse the word “nutty” to describe the flavors of cheeses and other foods. Over the course of their subsequent relationship, “nutty” became a running joke, as they’d use the word out of context.

Zikora felt happy with Kwame. He made her feel light and important, and he often implied she was better suited for him than his ex. He was Ghanian and they had cultural similarities, too. Kwame also loved her parents, and they loved him.

In the past, Zikora imagined her life elapsing along “a vivid timeline” (100). She moved to the United States, went to law school, and secured her job at Watkins Dunn. Meanwhile, she waited for the ideal man to come into her life. She imagined marrying at 27 or 28, but when she turned 31 and still was unattached, she despaired. Then one day, the pope died, augmenting her grief. She remembered him visiting her Nigerian village and how special seeing him had made her feel. When she complained to Chia about being single, Chia referenced her relationship with Darnell. Zikora didn’t contest Chia’s relationship with Darnell, but Chia had always been a dreamer.

Zikora is two years older than Chia, but they met as children. Zikora was in Chia’s brothers’ class. When Zikora’s mother disdained Chia’s pampered life and behaviors, Zikora defended her.

With Chia’s encouragement, Zikora tried a few dating sites. She quickly despaired and pursued freezing her eggs. The doctor advised IVF instead. She privately mourned because she still wanted a marriage.

Everyone Zikora has dated has been a “thief of time” (104). She remembers her various relationships. One man questioned her about her fertility before they had sex. Not long later, she discovered he’d gotten someone else pregnant. Zikora wanted to understand why he’d done this, but Chia encouraged her to let it go.

Another man she was with acted more like a child than a man. She remembers him giving her a scented candle, which she hated but didn’t complain about. She tried asking about their future and cooking and caring for him. Still he didn’t propose. She now understands he wasn’t worried about time the way she was.

After this second relationship ended, Zikora met up with Chia and Omelogor. Chia expressed her regrets but Omelogor insisted Zikora should’ve proposed. She then ranted about how helpless and confused men were. At the time, Omelogor was planning to leave her finance job and move to America to study pornography as a social issue in graduate school. She asked Zikora and Chia how they’d learned about sex. Uncomfortable, Zikora dismissed herself.

Meanwhile, Zikora worried about who’d become the next pope. Ultimately, she was pleased with the new pope and felt more positive after his election. She now wonders if that’s why she chose to go to the cookbook launch where she met Kwame.

Zikora remembers the day she and Kwame broke up. They’d just returned home from a gala when Zikora told Kwame her period was late and she assumed she was pregnant. Instead of getting excited like she’d expected, Kwame was incredulous. He seemed confused when she reminded him she’d gone off the pill. He left the apartment and stopped answering her calls thereafter. She can still remember the sound of his voice on his voicemail. She was ashamed to tell her friends and family he’d disappeared. She didn’t understand how he could do this to her when he’d always seemed lovely, open, and honest.

Finally Zikora told Chia about Kwame and the baby. Chia exclaimed about the baby, reminding Zikora this is what she’d wanted. Still, Zikora felt ashamed and alone. Chia and Omelogor reminded her not to worry about what others thought.

Zikora wonders if she did something to push Kwame away. She wonders if she told him about the pregnancy in the wrong way or if he didn’t understand her when she told him she wanted to stop the pill.

In Kwame’s absence, Zikora tried caring for herself as best she could. She worried everything she did might hurt the baby. At work, she tried working hard and dismissing her discomfort. Then one day, Kadi stopped over to check on Zikora. (Zikora knew her well through Chia.) She braided Zikora’s hair and cooked for her, all the while assuring her Kwame would return.

Zikora gives birth to a baby boy. While Dr. K stitches her up, Zikora is overwhelmed by emotion again. Then she and her mother get into an argument about circumcision. Zikora sends Kwame several messages and calls him repeatedly. Eventually he blocks her. Her mom asks if she’s calling Chia, and Zikora blurts out that she had an abortion years prior.

Zikora was having sex with a basketball player in college. She wanted him to love her but knew he didn’t. When she discovered she was pregnant, she took a Plan B emergency contraceptive pill and threw herself repeatedly on the floor. Ultimately, she had an abortion.

Zikora agrees to circumcise her son. Staring at him on the table, she can’t believe he’s her child. Meanwhile, her friends text her. Later, she and her mom video chat with her dad and his second wife, Aunty Nwanneka. Zikora’s parents didn’t divorce, but her father married Aunty Nwanneka when Zikora’s mom couldn’t have another child. Her parents later separated when her father started favoring Aunty.

Zikora doesn’t put Kwame’s name on the birth certificate, instead writing the baby’s name as Baby Boy. Her mom suggests the name Chidera but insists they wait for her father to choose instead. Meanwhile, Zikora struggles to feed the baby and catch up on sleep. She feels like a different person and misses Kwame. One night, her mom suggests calling Kwame’s parents to tell them about the baby. Zikora insists otherwise. Later, Zikora’s mom opens up to her about her infertility. It was hard for her to get pregnant with Zikora, and she had a hysterectomy immediately after the birth. She never told her husband about the operation and feigned several miscarriages thereafter. She knew her husband would find her useless if he discovered she didn’t have a womb. Zikora is shocked.

In the following days, Chia returns home and visits often. She tries comforting Zikora. Still upset about Kwame, Zikora warns her about Chuka.

Zikora’s father decides to name the baby Okechukwukelu, or Okey. Zikora says she’ll name him Chidera instead. Afterward, Zikora considers apologizing to her mother. Instead, she tells her she’ll miss her when she returns to Nigeria. Her mom informs her she is staying for a long time.